Style Conversational Week 1206: We got longed with our song parodies The Style Invitational Empress on the week’s new contest and results By Pat Myers Pat Myers Editor and judge of The Style Invitational since December 2003 Email // Bio // Follow // December 15, 2016 Methode, The Washington Post’s publishing (aka “content management”) system, tells me that this week’s online Style Invitational — the new contest, Week 1206, plus the song parody results — runs some 85 column inches. Because I’d rather you take the time to read them rather than hang around here (not to mention that when I post songs online, I have to manually add a code at the end of every line in each song, and I’m tired), I’m not going to add many inches here. As always, the Week 1202 contest brought forth far more inkworthy parodies than I could include — and as always, I included too many for a sane person to read, anyway. The theme for this contest, which ran barely a week after the election, was something incorporating “hope,” though I knew from the start that the songs didn’t need to be really rosy, and that “hope” could be interpreted pretty broadly; the optimistic lyrics for Mark Raffman’s runner-up, for example, were from the perspective of ISIS. I even looked the other way when Kel Nagel’s “Rockin’ Robin” parody ended with a line about hope that seemed tacked on just to qualify. Some of the entries, however, were ... well, “hopeless” might give the wrong idea. Especially when they were as good as these two: The only ray of hope in this one by veteran Loserbard Frank Osen was its title: *Maybe He’ll Cave on Some Things* /To “My Favorite Things”/ Slapping his name on some bright shiny building In 10-foot tall letters with solid-gold gilding, Rallies and sallies and 3 a.m. tweets, Raking in money and counting receipts, Hissing and dissing at someone who heckles, And buying self-portraits with other folks’ shekels, Thinking he’d still be content with such things— Is, sadly, now one of my favorite things. Then there was this one by a newcomer, college student Annie Sawamura — which I think would have been our first-ever parody of the “SpongeBob SquarePants” theme : Ohhhhhhhh, Who lives in a tower and sold fake degrees? Our new POTUS! Intolerant, orange, of course GOP! Demagogue and Pence! Misogynist comments they somehow dismiss! Gun laws! Queer rants! If your state voted red, something wicked’s amiss! Evil lair plans? Jude Law’s great aunts, Corn cobs, sweatpants -- All as competent as our elect! --- It’s no surprise to any regular Invite reader that a parody by Nan Reiner once again walks off with the Inkin’ Memorial — it’s Nan’s 14th win in all — or that Mark Raffman scored with yet another of his parodies of “Be Our Guest,” or that Barry Koch finds himself in the Losers’ Circle for the 20th time. But it’s just the fifth blot of ink, and the very first appearance “above the fold,” for runner-up Jane Pacelli and her helpful suggestion for holiday charity. In fact, we have a lot of new and infrequent names among this week’s inking entrants — I certainly hope to see more from all of them. Brad Kelly of Bethesda, Md. (and I’m assuming it’s the same Brad Kelly of Bethesda, Md.) , who wrote the clever “2-0-2-0” parody on “YMCA” (and another song that almost made the cut as well), got four blots of ink from Week 248 to Week 299 — that’d be 1997 and 1998. Let’s hope we don’t have to wait another 18 years! And how about the impressive parodies from First Offenders Rhoda Feigenbaum (her “Tonight” was copy chief Courtney Rukan’s favorite of the week), Elizabeth McQueen and Elliott Shevin? Notice, by the way, that this week’s retrospective contest, Week 1206, is exactly like the retrospective contest of Week 1205 — except that you may also enter send in a Week 1202 song parody. I’m certainly not averse in printing some more hope or (n)ope four weeks from now. Late note: While I’ve been writing up the Conversational this afternoon, I’ve also been in negotiations with Big Management over the inclusion of the word “schlonged” in Brad Kelly’s parody; The Post’s managing editor wasn’t sure that readers would realize that it was a quote from Trump himself, about Hillary Clinton. He was satisfied that I added a link on the word that led to a 2015 Post story about the comment — with “schlonged” in the headline. *SPEAKING OF PARODY TIME ... * If you haven’t gotten your Evite for the*annual Loser Post-Holiday Party potluck*, Saturday evening, Jan. 14, email me from the address you want me to use, and I’ll send it to you. While we’re all saddened to hear that Nan Reiner will be recovering from surgery and won’t be able to come up from Florida to lead the parodies (especially the ones she writes for the occasion), we hope she’ll feel well enough to make us a video. We will, however, have Loser Steve Honley at the piano, and several people either eager or at least willing to sing some new parodies and at least a couple from Week 1202. Currently the person planning to travel farthest to reach the home of the in­cred­ibly gracious Loser Steve Langer and Alison Fultz is Matt Monitto, who’s coming all the way from Connecticut. Perhaps Matt will do an encore of his “Hamilton” parody that he sent for in our last song contest — complete with costumed video. We’re back one more week before Christmas — see you then.